Tips about chronic illness

For those who have not lived with chronic illness, a few gentle things to ponder…

· Being home all day is not like vacation. One does not choose to get sick, and one would rather be out doing what they used to do.

· On vacation you usually have the energy to do fun things you look forward to. Being chronically ill means you do not.

· Chronic illness and depression are not the same things. They can run together at times but do not assume bedrest means depression. It might just be exhaustion. Telling a patient that they are depressed and not sick is not your place. If they are sick they have a doctor, and that is who decides what the issues are.

· Telling someone who is chronically ill that they need to get their chin up and try harder is not at all helpful. Not many people end up in bed with chronic illness by choice, and they have usually tried really hard when you were unaware of it to avoid being there.

· If getting one’s chin up (is that like a squirrel?) could fix it most sick people would not be in bed.

· Early retirement is not a financial windfall. Really.

· Asking the sick person, or their family, if (pick your reason here) smoking, drinking, working too much, working the wrong job, eating, etc… caused the illness is not helpful. And will not change the outcome. It will, however, hurt feelings and alienate people. Blame does not help once someone is sick. In fact, it does not help before someone gets sick.

· Chronic illness is not terminal illness. They do sometimes become one and the same. Suggesting it prematurely is not helpful. The family and the sick person are far too aware of the possibilities but your ideas about life span are usually not helpful or welcomed.

· The family of a sick person has to change their plans as well. Asking them to continue with the same socializing and activity level creates pressure to meet expectations. It might seem to suggest support, but having to say no frequently reinforces the changes and the separation from the prior life. Be gentle. Be creative in including them.

· Visiting the sick person at home for short periods can make a big difference. Sometimes that five minutes is the only visit a patient gets from the outside world. Think of yourself as Captain Kirk or Spock. Or maybe Mork…

· A hug and a “thinking of you” goes a big distance.