One of Linda’s favorite movies was “Auntie Mame.” Always, always the original movie. Her favorite line was “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” I am sure Linda was not one of those suckers- and so was she.
Linda and I had the relationship of a lifetime because we were fortunate enough to literally cross paths, We lived around one corner from each other in the same condo complex. I did not know it at the time, but Linda was determined not to date anybody at the time. I left her a couple of notes, and she did not call. the more she ignored me, the more of a challenge she became. I only found out two weeks ago from one of the nurses that the first time Linda saw me she could not believe that she had been ignoring me. She always described it as me chasing her until she caught me. That catch changed our lives more than any Angel’s player in the outfield against the Yankees. And Kelsey and Hannah- this year the Yankees are going down just for Linda.
Linda was a bit shy, and not terribly out. I was a rainbow rabble- rowser from the word go. We were quite a pair as Linda and Jill became “Jillandlinda.” Linda wanted to be careful not to upset her family the first Christmas I was on the scene. I had already passed the mom inspection, and I knew I was in. We were already “us.” But the younger nieces and nephews were Linda’s pride and joy, and she worried about their reaction. She had been the aunt who doted on them, took them hiking, had them for weekends. How would she fit me in- and explain me? So were shopped carefully, and I wrapped the presents in colorful paper with big bows and candy canes. My name was not on the tags. When we passed out the presents, our youngest nephew at that time, Marcus, looked at his present, read the tag, and said “but Aunt Linda, why isn’t aunt Jill’s name on this? I know YOU didn’t wrap it! I was in, and we were aunt Jill and Aunt Linda. Linda became an out and proud rainbow family member. Our relationship was just us, but I watched as Linda became an activist in her own right. She helped staff at the jail register to vote, she joined protests on her way to work, It eventually meant walking the halls of Congress as a family, handing out letters and pictures and asking the members to please stop their vitriolic words toward families like ours where our kids would hear them. One Georgia congressman’s staff clearly did not hear what Linda was telling him about why we were there. He invited us into the congressman’s inner office, with the flags and animal heads on the wall, and insisted on taking our picture there as a photo op. There we were, the 2 mom family in the Southern Republican’s office, taking our picture. Linda loved it! We fought stupid propositions with rallies and interviews, and we took our kids in their Christmas dresses to the board of supervisors to request domestic partner benefits for county staff. In Linda’s last appearance before the Board last year in the middle of the budget battle, I spoke followed by Linda. I sometimes get a little passionate when I talk to the Board, and I was a little over the top that day. When she walked up to the mike, the first thing she said was “That’s my wife- I’m married to her!” That was Linda- if it mattered to her, you knew about it, even if you are the Board of Supervisors.
I found a card she gave me years ago last night- a mushy love note. She ended it with “I love you because you buy me lots of cool stuff.” She was right- she was spoiled, and she loved every bit of it. Life with Linda meant Spyder motorcycles that she talked me into by saying that I could not deny her- she was dying after all! It meant that she finally got her big screen TV that was 8 inches bigger than Sherry and Tracy’s. But it wasn’t just stuff- it was all the happiness over all the years that made life with Linda so incredible. It was watching her rescue turtles from the roads in Florida- even snapping turtles who did not want to be rescued and tried to take off her fingers, It was collecting fallen baby animals after hurricanes and storms and rescuing them, and raccoons who lived with us. It was trying to tent camp through forest fires and snow inside our tent, and then allowing her to think that she thought of buying an RV instead of me.
It was a wicked sense of humor, a love of jokes, and dancing with our kids. Linda dances with them whenever she could- even when they did not want to. Every Christmas there was dancing, first on Mama’s feet, then side by side. Dancing with me was a special challenge, because neither of us could decide who was going to lead. At our wedding we had our dance instructor on the side reminding me which foot to use next! It was laughter, and political debates, and activism,
Most importantly, my life with Linda meant lots and lots of love- for each other, for our nieces and nephews, and then for our children, after they began arriving. It meant buying presents for Trevor and Kelsey that we would never have been allowed to get away with sending if it hadn’t been Linda behind it, It meant having three beautiful children because Linda looked at me and said “but Jillie- we were always meant to have three.” How she knew that, I don’t know. But she was absolutely right. She used her Peter Pan smile to get what she wanted, and it always worked out.
And because she was right about so many things, Linda left me with some instructions to prove that she was right even now. We knew this day would come someday, just not this soon. Linda’s death caught both of us off guard. But we talked about it because it was inevitable, and in our house, there are no secrets for long. So late at night, when she could not sleep because she was a night worker for so many years and because her breathing was worse at night, she would wake me so we could talk about the important stuff. In those talks Linda told me what she wanted for our family in the future, and what I was supposed to talk about today. Some things she was very specific about. Imagine that- Linda having an opinion and saying “but you have to Jillie- I’m dying!” She set me up for today. But she knew also who would be part of helping me care for her and the kids. She knew there would be others as well, and as she got to know them she added them to her list for me. And as always, she said “But you have to Jillie- cause I’m dying.”
First, I need to thank my parents, and now my mom, for their support as we fought a battle that began 12 years ago when Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer. I couldn’t take time off in Florida to care for Linda because we weren’t recognized as a couple. My parents packed up and moved to our house for three long months so Linda would be safe in the second phase of chemo. My dad was already handicapped at that point, but they got Linda to and from work when she was too tired to drive, and out of the house when she was too sick to work but needed a break. In the last several years, as Linda’s abilities declined with pulmonary fibrosis brought on by the chemo that saved her life, my mom helped me cope with everything I had on my plate. I can’t possibly thank her enough from both of us for being 1-800 Grandma.
The best friends any family could ever have made our life’s adventure fun and warm and complete. They smiled when we showed up at their house unannounced on quick trips from Florida, they shared our passion for the Angels, and we shared many nights around campfires as Linda taught the kids that marshmallows that fall off the stick were actually amoebas, I am sure we have wasted hundreds of marshmallows over the years making amoebas because of Linda. They also helped Linda face her illness, and walked us through to her death. They made it possible for Linda to know that she could pass on knowing that I would be scooped up and taken care of, and that I would not be alone during the hardest time. Sherry and Tracy, there are just not enough words. I am not going to even try. Linda knew you would be there, and she wanted me to make sure you knew it. I have to say I am especially amazed at Tracy’s skill in passing meds and mixing drug cocktails, as well as living on 3 hours of sleep for days at a time. You are my hero.
Katrina, you were an amazing young woman last week, but you always are. Linda was so proud of you finishing college, and then you stepped in last week and helped carry us though- and you still are. Who else would pack up the kids at 8 on a Saturday night to hit the mall like you did last night? I will never forget the text when I was in Sacramento and you were home with her, and she was refusing to use the walker. She told Katrina that it was a secret that she never used it unless I was home to make her. Then she tried to make Katrina not tell on her. It is not easy to control a stubborn nurse. When Linda entered her last week, she watched you Katrina, She was aware of your help, and she knew you would be there with the kids before and after. It gave her great relief to know that Kerry, Charity, and Chloe would have you to turn to when their mom was too old or too much mom to talk to.
Wendy- you have been Linda’s number one girlfriend since I introduced you as part of the girlfriends. You always made her smile, Linda said she knew you would be there for me, and she said it again when you came last week. She knew she could call and you would come. Every time she looked at you she smiled, no matter what situation we were in- and we encountered some really new ones that week. I am quite sure Linda never meant dealing with commodes or figuring out how to drain bags into detergent bottles, but there you were. She would have laughed if she had been aware of it.
Jane and Erin, I know this church family knows you’re special, but they may not know just how much. Linda struggled with coming to terms with dying at such a young age, and leaving me and the kids behind. Erin, you gave her great comfort in seeing the kids responding to youth group and wanting to be part of a positive place here at church even at the end. She needed to know that our children would be supported and find a safe place to be, and your time with them gave her that comfort. Your many visits to the house in the last week lifted my load, and gave all of the kids who were losing their mom and aunt a safe person to grieve with. Thank you. Jane, you were one of Linda’s great moments in her life. She knew when she was on your search committee that you were the right one, even when you did say “Jesus, Jesus. Jesus.” She woke me at 2am when the committee was reviewing tapes from dozens of ministers, and said I was sworn to secrecy, but this one was the right one. She knew in her heart that you had a special touch and would fit our church. She was thrilled when you were called. Her talks with you allowed her some measure of peace in letting go, and your many, many trips to the house convinced her. I will never forget you having to make her stay in bed by pulling up your chair knee to knee and talking to her about why you were there. Your prayer circle allowed her to hear for the last time what a legacy she was leaving. Thank you.
Kristy, you were Linda’s first daughter, and you made your mom’s adjustment to Florida so much more fun than I would ever have imagined. You taught her to talk like a native, what to do with alligators and how to eat them and fried pickles, and how to find her way home, which was no easy trick with Linda, You got us to the right church, and became a part of our family. I am sure she will be zapping you every time you say “fixing to” from now on. When you arrived for last week, you brought a smile to her face, and your strength was a tremendous help. I know you have also lost a mom, and I want you to know how very much she loved you.
Our church family has been part of us for over 20 years. You have walked us through chemo through cards and letters, you celebrated our weddings, you made our church open and affirming, and you supported us as we faced Linda’s decline. There are too many people who have done so many things. Let me just say that Linda loved this place, and thought of it as home. She listened to the CD’s that Mike made for her every week, and she was here in spirit when she was too tired to come in person. This is an amazing place, and she was grateful for all of you.
Connie, you and Linda didn’t start on the right foot. Two nurses in one room can be a lot of nurse sometimes. You made Linda feel safe when you helped her into the hospital bed from poker night. After the game was over, she looked at me and said she always liked you, and that she was glad you would be there after she was gone. Your arrival late at night in your jammies to reposition her was a huge relief to both me and Tracy. Your care the day she died will never be forgotten.
Linda was surrounded by the rainbow community this last 2 weeks- both before and after her death. She loved those she knew were involved and would have been happy to know about the rest. You know who you are, and what that means to me and the rest of us. thank you.
I am sure I missed a lot of people, but Linda was, as usual, in charge. I’m following her instructions. I have a personal debt of thanks for the people from Companion Care Hospice. I used to be a hospice social worker, and I can say I never saw such care as we experienced in the last two months. Every staff person made Linda feel comfortable. They tolerated a cat who would not move from Linda’s chest when they needed to use the stethoscope, a poodle who got in the way, They came in with everything we needed, and supported us from the beginning after years of trying to get Linda care from multiple places. They allowed us the time we needed by allowing us to be at home. They also put up with a house full of people offering advice and asking questions, not to mention drinking wine as each night got later and later, our jokes about putting Linda on the back of the Spyder with duct tape at the end to collect on double indemnity on the insurance policies, my friend Hai-Ping insisting that Linda get “drugs- lots and lots of drugs, because she’s special” and having to step over all of us just to get to Linda. they reassured Linda that she would be looked after, and so would I. I am so grateful to all of you for all that you did to help Linda face her illness, and for making her comfortable when so many others could not.
My biggest message today is to our girls. You have spent the last three years growing up with a mama who was growing weaker and less able. You were spreading your wings as she was staying closer to home. That is, to say the least, not an easy mix. Three teen girls is not an easy mix! Charity, you knew how sick mama was when you chose to join our family. Mama wanted me to tell you that she would never have chosen this timing, but she was grateful to have you as a daughter, and will always be your mom. Kerry and Chloe, you have watched mom decline while trying to stay an active mom. She knew she was trying to pack in the next 40 years of advice when you did not want any mom advice, and that sometimes it was a bit much. She wanted me to tell you that she just wanted to stay a part of your lives, and to make sure you knew she would always, always be there with you. I know it was not easy to watch her struggle, and that most kids did not have to worry about mom falling or taking off her oxygen when she was confused. I know you were afraid every time you were away from home and heard a siren nearby. I know you and your friends stayed at our house when you would sometimes rather be away, but you stayed for mom. Kelly, she so appreciated you visiting her every day, bringing flowers, just sharing your day. You were a bright spot for her too. I know you girls did not tell many people how much you helped care for mom while making it seem to her that you just happened to be there at that exact moment. I know you covered for her when she would not use her walker. I know you guys watched TV instead of doing homework on the nights I worked late because mom said she wanted time with you and she needed to stay in bed. You were the best kids a mom could ever have, and she loved you and was proud of you. She tried to make it to Chloe’s graduation, but her body just could not do any more work. Mama knew you were hearing well meaning people tell you that she was choosing to leave or that she would be in a better place. She wanted you to hear from me today that while she is in a place where she doesn’t need oxygen and walkers and wheelchairs, she would have given anything to stay here with you three. She did not want to leave you. She will always and forever be your mama.
My biggest debt of gratitude is to the one person who is not here today in person, although I have no doubt that she is here with us. Linda was the love of my life. She had to be to marry me three times! In our almost 23 years we packed in a lifetime. We were told three years ago that Linda would not live 5 more years. The week of our wedding in 2008 we were told that she was in fact terminally ill. Linda insisted that we keep that to ourselves, so that our wedding would be about love, not illness. Our vows were special to us because we knew what our commitment was really going to mean. Linda faced this awful disease with grace. She said she used my dad, Mari, and Kay Smith as her role models. We worked to see our last 12 years as a gift to use well rather than becoming bitter. That’s not always easy, but Linda worked at it. She wanted to live until she just stopped, which is pretty much what she did. Linda hiked with oxygen. She walked pushing her wheelchair. She worked and went home to use oxygen, then went back to work the next shift. She drove her beloved Spyder with her oxygen in the front and Chloe and Kerry on the back, mostly to prove to all of us that she still could- and sometimes just to get a reaction out of me. In our last week together, we had a moment when she had a crisis at about 1am. All of us at the house were finally heading to bed, and Linda was in a deep sleep. I was not sure I would ever talk to her again. The nurse sent us to bed to get some rest. Linda went into crisis and could not breathe. We scooped her up, and I held her for an hour or so as we waited for more meds to work. In that time she came to, and looked at me eye to eye. Her Peter pan smile came back, and she said “you know, I’ve always loved you, and I always will.” That was my gift- Linda was able to say goodbye, on her terms. I was lucky to have been married to her, and we completed our circle together, surrounded by friends and family. I am grateful for that, and for your support today.
Linda and I had the relationship of a lifetime because we were fortunate enough to literally cross paths, We lived around one corner from each other in the same condo complex. I did not know it at the time, but Linda was determined not to date anybody at the time. I left her a couple of notes, and she did not call. the more she ignored me, the more of a challenge she became. I only found out two weeks ago from one of the nurses that the first time Linda saw me she could not believe that she had been ignoring me. She always described it as me chasing her until she caught me. That catch changed our lives more than any Angel’s player in the outfield against the Yankees. And Kelsey and Hannah- this year the Yankees are going down just for Linda.
Linda was a bit shy, and not terribly out. I was a rainbow rabble- rowser from the word go. We were quite a pair as Linda and Jill became “Jillandlinda.” Linda wanted to be careful not to upset her family the first Christmas I was on the scene. I had already passed the mom inspection, and I knew I was in. We were already “us.” But the younger nieces and nephews were Linda’s pride and joy, and she worried about their reaction. She had been the aunt who doted on them, took them hiking, had them for weekends. How would she fit me in- and explain me? So were shopped carefully, and I wrapped the presents in colorful paper with big bows and candy canes. My name was not on the tags. When we passed out the presents, our youngest nephew at that time, Marcus, looked at his present, read the tag, and said “but Aunt Linda, why isn’t aunt Jill’s name on this? I know YOU didn’t wrap it! I was in, and we were aunt Jill and Aunt Linda. Linda became an out and proud rainbow family member. Our relationship was just us, but I watched as Linda became an activist in her own right. She helped staff at the jail register to vote, she joined protests on her way to work, It eventually meant walking the halls of Congress as a family, handing out letters and pictures and asking the members to please stop their vitriolic words toward families like ours where our kids would hear them. One Georgia congressman’s staff clearly did not hear what Linda was telling him about why we were there. He invited us into the congressman’s inner office, with the flags and animal heads on the wall, and insisted on taking our picture there as a photo op. There we were, the 2 mom family in the Southern Republican’s office, taking our picture. Linda loved it! We fought stupid propositions with rallies and interviews, and we took our kids in their Christmas dresses to the board of supervisors to request domestic partner benefits for county staff. In Linda’s last appearance before the Board last year in the middle of the budget battle, I spoke followed by Linda. I sometimes get a little passionate when I talk to the Board, and I was a little over the top that day. When she walked up to the mike, the first thing she said was “That’s my wife- I’m married to her!” That was Linda- if it mattered to her, you knew about it, even if you are the Board of Supervisors.
I found a card she gave me years ago last night- a mushy love note. She ended it with “I love you because you buy me lots of cool stuff.” She was right- she was spoiled, and she loved every bit of it. Life with Linda meant Spyder motorcycles that she talked me into by saying that I could not deny her- she was dying after all! It meant that she finally got her big screen TV that was 8 inches bigger than Sherry and Tracy’s. But it wasn’t just stuff- it was all the happiness over all the years that made life with Linda so incredible. It was watching her rescue turtles from the roads in Florida- even snapping turtles who did not want to be rescued and tried to take off her fingers, It was collecting fallen baby animals after hurricanes and storms and rescuing them, and raccoons who lived with us. It was trying to tent camp through forest fires and snow inside our tent, and then allowing her to think that she thought of buying an RV instead of me.
It was a wicked sense of humor, a love of jokes, and dancing with our kids. Linda dances with them whenever she could- even when they did not want to. Every Christmas there was dancing, first on Mama’s feet, then side by side. Dancing with me was a special challenge, because neither of us could decide who was going to lead. At our wedding we had our dance instructor on the side reminding me which foot to use next! It was laughter, and political debates, and activism,
Most importantly, my life with Linda meant lots and lots of love- for each other, for our nieces and nephews, and then for our children, after they began arriving. It meant buying presents for Trevor and Kelsey that we would never have been allowed to get away with sending if it hadn’t been Linda behind it, It meant having three beautiful children because Linda looked at me and said “but Jillie- we were always meant to have three.” How she knew that, I don’t know. But she was absolutely right. She used her Peter Pan smile to get what she wanted, and it always worked out.
And because she was right about so many things, Linda left me with some instructions to prove that she was right even now. We knew this day would come someday, just not this soon. Linda’s death caught both of us off guard. But we talked about it because it was inevitable, and in our house, there are no secrets for long. So late at night, when she could not sleep because she was a night worker for so many years and because her breathing was worse at night, she would wake me so we could talk about the important stuff. In those talks Linda told me what she wanted for our family in the future, and what I was supposed to talk about today. Some things she was very specific about. Imagine that- Linda having an opinion and saying “but you have to Jillie- I’m dying!” She set me up for today. But she knew also who would be part of helping me care for her and the kids. She knew there would be others as well, and as she got to know them she added them to her list for me. And as always, she said “But you have to Jillie- cause I’m dying.”
First, I need to thank my parents, and now my mom, for their support as we fought a battle that began 12 years ago when Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer. I couldn’t take time off in Florida to care for Linda because we weren’t recognized as a couple. My parents packed up and moved to our house for three long months so Linda would be safe in the second phase of chemo. My dad was already handicapped at that point, but they got Linda to and from work when she was too tired to drive, and out of the house when she was too sick to work but needed a break. In the last several years, as Linda’s abilities declined with pulmonary fibrosis brought on by the chemo that saved her life, my mom helped me cope with everything I had on my plate. I can’t possibly thank her enough from both of us for being 1-800 Grandma.
The best friends any family could ever have made our life’s adventure fun and warm and complete. They smiled when we showed up at their house unannounced on quick trips from Florida, they shared our passion for the Angels, and we shared many nights around campfires as Linda taught the kids that marshmallows that fall off the stick were actually amoebas, I am sure we have wasted hundreds of marshmallows over the years making amoebas because of Linda. They also helped Linda face her illness, and walked us through to her death. They made it possible for Linda to know that she could pass on knowing that I would be scooped up and taken care of, and that I would not be alone during the hardest time. Sherry and Tracy, there are just not enough words. I am not going to even try. Linda knew you would be there, and she wanted me to make sure you knew it. I have to say I am especially amazed at Tracy’s skill in passing meds and mixing drug cocktails, as well as living on 3 hours of sleep for days at a time. You are my hero.
Katrina, you were an amazing young woman last week, but you always are. Linda was so proud of you finishing college, and then you stepped in last week and helped carry us though- and you still are. Who else would pack up the kids at 8 on a Saturday night to hit the mall like you did last night? I will never forget the text when I was in Sacramento and you were home with her, and she was refusing to use the walker. She told Katrina that it was a secret that she never used it unless I was home to make her. Then she tried to make Katrina not tell on her. It is not easy to control a stubborn nurse. When Linda entered her last week, she watched you Katrina, She was aware of your help, and she knew you would be there with the kids before and after. It gave her great relief to know that Kerry, Charity, and Chloe would have you to turn to when their mom was too old or too much mom to talk to.
Wendy- you have been Linda’s number one girlfriend since I introduced you as part of the girlfriends. You always made her smile, Linda said she knew you would be there for me, and she said it again when you came last week. She knew she could call and you would come. Every time she looked at you she smiled, no matter what situation we were in- and we encountered some really new ones that week. I am quite sure Linda never meant dealing with commodes or figuring out how to drain bags into detergent bottles, but there you were. She would have laughed if she had been aware of it.
Jane and Erin, I know this church family knows you’re special, but they may not know just how much. Linda struggled with coming to terms with dying at such a young age, and leaving me and the kids behind. Erin, you gave her great comfort in seeing the kids responding to youth group and wanting to be part of a positive place here at church even at the end. She needed to know that our children would be supported and find a safe place to be, and your time with them gave her that comfort. Your many visits to the house in the last week lifted my load, and gave all of the kids who were losing their mom and aunt a safe person to grieve with. Thank you. Jane, you were one of Linda’s great moments in her life. She knew when she was on your search committee that you were the right one, even when you did say “Jesus, Jesus. Jesus.” She woke me at 2am when the committee was reviewing tapes from dozens of ministers, and said I was sworn to secrecy, but this one was the right one. She knew in her heart that you had a special touch and would fit our church. She was thrilled when you were called. Her talks with you allowed her some measure of peace in letting go, and your many, many trips to the house convinced her. I will never forget you having to make her stay in bed by pulling up your chair knee to knee and talking to her about why you were there. Your prayer circle allowed her to hear for the last time what a legacy she was leaving. Thank you.
Kristy, you were Linda’s first daughter, and you made your mom’s adjustment to Florida so much more fun than I would ever have imagined. You taught her to talk like a native, what to do with alligators and how to eat them and fried pickles, and how to find her way home, which was no easy trick with Linda, You got us to the right church, and became a part of our family. I am sure she will be zapping you every time you say “fixing to” from now on. When you arrived for last week, you brought a smile to her face, and your strength was a tremendous help. I know you have also lost a mom, and I want you to know how very much she loved you.
Our church family has been part of us for over 20 years. You have walked us through chemo through cards and letters, you celebrated our weddings, you made our church open and affirming, and you supported us as we faced Linda’s decline. There are too many people who have done so many things. Let me just say that Linda loved this place, and thought of it as home. She listened to the CD’s that Mike made for her every week, and she was here in spirit when she was too tired to come in person. This is an amazing place, and she was grateful for all of you.
Connie, you and Linda didn’t start on the right foot. Two nurses in one room can be a lot of nurse sometimes. You made Linda feel safe when you helped her into the hospital bed from poker night. After the game was over, she looked at me and said she always liked you, and that she was glad you would be there after she was gone. Your arrival late at night in your jammies to reposition her was a huge relief to both me and Tracy. Your care the day she died will never be forgotten.
Linda was surrounded by the rainbow community this last 2 weeks- both before and after her death. She loved those she knew were involved and would have been happy to know about the rest. You know who you are, and what that means to me and the rest of us. thank you.
I am sure I missed a lot of people, but Linda was, as usual, in charge. I’m following her instructions. I have a personal debt of thanks for the people from Companion Care Hospice. I used to be a hospice social worker, and I can say I never saw such care as we experienced in the last two months. Every staff person made Linda feel comfortable. They tolerated a cat who would not move from Linda’s chest when they needed to use the stethoscope, a poodle who got in the way, They came in with everything we needed, and supported us from the beginning after years of trying to get Linda care from multiple places. They allowed us the time we needed by allowing us to be at home. They also put up with a house full of people offering advice and asking questions, not to mention drinking wine as each night got later and later, our jokes about putting Linda on the back of the Spyder with duct tape at the end to collect on double indemnity on the insurance policies, my friend Hai-Ping insisting that Linda get “drugs- lots and lots of drugs, because she’s special” and having to step over all of us just to get to Linda. they reassured Linda that she would be looked after, and so would I. I am so grateful to all of you for all that you did to help Linda face her illness, and for making her comfortable when so many others could not.
My biggest message today is to our girls. You have spent the last three years growing up with a mama who was growing weaker and less able. You were spreading your wings as she was staying closer to home. That is, to say the least, not an easy mix. Three teen girls is not an easy mix! Charity, you knew how sick mama was when you chose to join our family. Mama wanted me to tell you that she would never have chosen this timing, but she was grateful to have you as a daughter, and will always be your mom. Kerry and Chloe, you have watched mom decline while trying to stay an active mom. She knew she was trying to pack in the next 40 years of advice when you did not want any mom advice, and that sometimes it was a bit much. She wanted me to tell you that she just wanted to stay a part of your lives, and to make sure you knew she would always, always be there with you. I know it was not easy to watch her struggle, and that most kids did not have to worry about mom falling or taking off her oxygen when she was confused. I know you were afraid every time you were away from home and heard a siren nearby. I know you and your friends stayed at our house when you would sometimes rather be away, but you stayed for mom. Kelly, she so appreciated you visiting her every day, bringing flowers, just sharing your day. You were a bright spot for her too. I know you girls did not tell many people how much you helped care for mom while making it seem to her that you just happened to be there at that exact moment. I know you covered for her when she would not use her walker. I know you guys watched TV instead of doing homework on the nights I worked late because mom said she wanted time with you and she needed to stay in bed. You were the best kids a mom could ever have, and she loved you and was proud of you. She tried to make it to Chloe’s graduation, but her body just could not do any more work. Mama knew you were hearing well meaning people tell you that she was choosing to leave or that she would be in a better place. She wanted you to hear from me today that while she is in a place where she doesn’t need oxygen and walkers and wheelchairs, she would have given anything to stay here with you three. She did not want to leave you. She will always and forever be your mama.
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