Lessons in dementia land:

Lessons in dementia land:

ü  Never argue: the concerns being expressed are from tangled webs you cannot see. Climb into the web and ask enough questions to figure out what is really being said or asked. Do so without judgment. Watch your tone of voice.

ü  Always take concerns seriously. If they are ignored and assumed to have gone away like other memory lapses, they might have simply gone silent, to be obsessed over.

ü  Concerns tell you there is fear involved. Even if the concern isn’t a reality, the fear is a reality. It has to be taken seriously and acknowledged.

ü  Your time is different from dementia time. It might be your bedtime, but it’s fear time for your loved one. Don’t leave them alone in it. Go home from work if you need to. They need you to feel secure.

ü  Talk about the changes you are seeing. If you can see them, they are feeling them and might be afraid to acknowledge it. Reality checks are a necessity if you are going to be a team managing this.

ü  Change your activities to meet your new reality. Crowds are sometimes frightening and old faces you can no longer name who are expecting recognition are upsetting and depressing.

ü  Prep your peeps- they will not see your new reality. They will expect recognition and the same responses. Let them know beforehand things have changed and how to re-introduce themselves.

ü  Remember that if you get lost in parking lots looking for your car, your loved one will be more so. Establish a routine, and stick to it.

ü  Cell phone reminder lessons are a must. Old skills get lost. It’s terrifying to be home and to not know how to use the phone.

ü  Night lights make night less scary.

ü  Say “I love you.” A lot. Memorize the sound of the answer. You will need it on difficult days.